by - My daughter showed “mean girl” behavior that led to a meeting with the school dean.
- Ashamed and upset by her behavior, I feared for her future relationships.
- I had to remind myself that we had to keep modeling empathetic behavior at home.
My stomach turned around when the school Dean my husband and me called in a conference to discuss the daughter of our first degree Behavior with a different classmate.
In the meeting we learned that our daughter consistently left her classmate from group activities. For example, every time the girl sat down with our daughter during lunch, our daughter stood up and sat at another table.
Sadly saddened by this behaviorMy husband and I thought about our parenthood. Did we not emphasize kindness in our house and modeled empathy? How often have we told our daughter about times when we experienced bullying as children – that it hurt our feelings and left a lasting impact? Our daughter seemed to be touched by these heart-to-havocs, but her behavior turned out to be at school at school.
It was embarrassing for our daughter to act with her classmate, and it was a good memory that I can influenceI can’t have control over it.
Children are their own people, formed by a combination of factors
Of course my husband and I felt ashamed and humble through the choices of our daughter. Laughing Regina George’s character In “Mean Girls” we don’t want to raise a mean girl.
I am aware that my response to fear was based, I turned to some simple truths to get a better perspective. They are naturally selfish, Jillian Amodiotold a recognized social worker to Business Insider. “It is a survival skills, but sometimes a frustrating when they display behavior that we consider” unacceptable, inappropriate or socially paralyzing, “Amodio said.
Furthermore, children have “no perspective on the long game,” said Patty JohnsonA clinical psychologist. “Their ability to plan, organize and follow is short -sighted, while we parents tend to predict far into the future of our children’s life. If they have a TIFF at school with another student, the child can concentrate on the incident that took place, while parents can worry about how their child can get to life, making friends who are confused.”
I struggled not to see my daughter’s behavior as a character error instead of what it was – an immature person who learned to navigate in a difficult relationship. If adults are inclined to struggle in relationships – and our brains are much more mature – how can we expect children to get it right every time?
This was a good memory that my daughter’s comfortable behavior was not necessarily reflects my parenthood Or who would grow up.
I give room for her to talk to me about things that happen
“But it wasn’t alone!” My daughter defended. “I got up because another girl said,” Let’s sit there! “
Although my daughter’s behavior was unkind and unforgivable, the more I refused the layers, the more I discovered that her view of what happened was complex and was confused in her other relationships at school. She is not a natural born leader and often takes her instructions from others. While we discussed her behavior, I discovered that she usually responded and modeled it from her colleagues.
Continuous conversation at home helped my daughter change her attitude towards the girl she was catige for. When she found ways to take her in school activities, my husband and I cheered her thoughtfulness and celebrated. If they had a misunderstanding, she felt safe to bring it to me or my husband so that we could discuss it. That girl got the top of her guest list when my daughter’s birthday party arrived.
Although my first reaction was shame and fear, I finally learned to release it and offer my daughter a safe place to process the complexity of this relationship. Although it was a difficult situation, it helped us to lay a better foundation for trust and communication of parent-child and, I hope, grace for each other.